A transgender individual, Robin Westman, reportedly expressed profound distress over his gender identity in handwritten journals before carrying out a deadly attack at a Minneapolis church. The writings, shared online prior to the incident, included statements such as “I am tired of being trans” and “I wish I never brain-washed myself.”

Westman’s journals, partially translated from a coded mix of Russian Cyrillic script and English, detailed his frustration with physical aspects of his transition, including long hair he described as “my last shred of being trans.” He also mentioned plans to cut his hair on the day of the attack, citing concerns about appearing “embarrassingly different” afterward.

The manifesto referenced violent fantasies, including wanting to be a “scary horrible monster standing over powerless kids,” and expressed admiration for the Sandy Hook massacre. Westman’s videos, posted hours before the shooting, included phrases like “kill Donald Trump” and “for the children” on gun magazines.

On the day of the attack, Westman opened fire at Annunciation Catholic Church and School, killing two students and wounding 17 others before taking his own life. Court records showed he had legally changed his name from Robert to Robin in 2020, citing a desire to reflect his gender identity. However, his later writings revealed internal conflict, stating, “I don’t want to dress girly all the time but I guess sometimes I really like it. I know I am not a woman but I definitely don’t feel like a man.”

In a suicide note obtained after the attack, Westman expressed remorse for his actions, apologizing to family and friends while reflecting on years of depression and self-destructive behavior. He wrote about feeling “tired of the pain this world gives out” and described his decision as an act of defiance against perceived injustices. The note also contained cryptic references to health struggles, including a belief he may have lung cancer.

The incident has sparked widespread discussion about mental health, gender identity, and the motivations behind such violence. Westman’s writings provide a grim insight into his internal turmoil but offer no clear answers to the questions surrounding his actions.